Dore ibyo wakora bigatuma umukobwa ukunda akwiyumvamo mpaka mu gitanda

Mu mibanire hagati y’abashakanye cyangwa abari mu rukundo, ubushake bw’imibonano mpuzabitsina (libido) ni kimwe mu bintu bigira uruhare rukomeye mu kubaka umubano uhamye kandi wishimirwa.

Nubwo ubushake bushobora kuza ku mpande zombi, ubushakashatsi n’isesengura byerekanye ko kugira ngo umugore cyangwa umukobwa ashyuke (agire ubushake bwo gukora imibonano), bisaba ibintu byinshi birenze kuba ari kumwe n’umugabo cyangwa umuhungu ushaka imibonano.

Iyi nkuru irasesengura ibintu by’ingenzi bifasha umugabo gutuma umugore cyangwa umukobwa agira ubushake, hashingiwe ku myitwarire, imitekerereze, imibanire, uko yitaweho, ndetse n’uruhare rw’ibinyabuzima (physiology).

1. Kumenya ko ubushake bw’umugore buturuka ahantu henshi hatandukanye

Abagabo benshi bibeshya ko kugira ngo umugore ashyuke bisaba gusa kumukorakora ku myanya ye y’ibanga. Ariko ubushakashatsi bwakozwe n’abahanga mu bijyanye n’imibanire n’imitekerereze (psychology and sexology) burerekana ko ubushake bw’umugore buturuka:

Mu mutwe (psychological arousal)

Mu marangamutima (emotional intimacy)

Mu mubiri (physical stimulation)

Mu buryo afatwa n’ukuntu yiyumva (self-esteem & confidence)

Umugore ashyukwa iyo yumva atekanye, yubashywe, yitaweho, kandi iyo abonye uburyo abona ko burimo urukundo n’icyubahiro.

2. Gutanga urukundo n’icyizere

Umugore wese yumva atekanye mu gihe yumva ko akunzwe by’ukuri, atari uko ari igikoresho cy’imibonano gusa. Gutuma umugore agira ubushake bitangirira ku buryo:

Umuganiriza neza, utamubwira amagambo amutesha agaciro

Umugaragariza ko umukunda, utamushinja ibintu buri kanya

Umuha umwanya wo kukwitaho mu buryo bwe

Umutega amatwi, wubaha ibitekerezo bye

Ntabwo ari amagambo gusa, ahubwo ibikorwa byo kumwitaho (nk’ukoresha igihe umuganiriza, umufasha mu mirimo, umubwira amagambo meza buri munsi) bituma yisanzura.

3. Guhanga udushya no kumutegurira ibihe byiza

Ubushakashatsi bwakorewe muri Kaminuza ya Michigan bwagaragaje ko umugore ashyukwa cyane iyo atunguwe n’ikintu cyiza cyangwa gishimishije cyerekana ko yashyizwe imbere. Ibyo bishobora kuba:

Kumutekera cyangwa kumutegurira ifunguro ryihariye

Kumujyana ahantu mwinezeza nko mu rugendo, ahantu hari romantique

Kumwandikira ubutumwa bw’urukundo butunguranye

Kumugenera impano itunguranye, nko kumuzanira indabo, parfum, cyangwa ikarita irimo amagambo meza

4. Kumumenya neza ku mubiri no kumenya kumukoraho

Umugore agira ibice by’umubiri byongera ubushake bwe, bizwi nka erogenous zones:

Ijosi n’amatwi

Amabere

Mugongo wo hepfo

Amavi n’inkokora

Icyo bita clitoris n’andi maguru magufi

Gukorakora neza ibi bice, ku buryo butari ubw’igihutiragiro, no kumutega amatwi uko abyitwaramo, bituma agenda yinjira mu buryo bwo kwitegura imibonano. Ni byiza ko umugabo amenya ko gusaba, gutega amatwi no kwitonda biba mu nshingano zo kubaka ubushake.

5. Guhanga ikiganiro ku byerekeye imibonano no kumva ibyifuzo bye

Imwe mu mpamvu zituma abagore batagira ubushake ni uko badashobora kuvuga ibyifuzo byabo cyangwa ibyo badakunda, kuko batinya gucibwa intege cyangwa kumva babaye nk’abisabira.

Guhangana n’ibi ni ugufungura urubuga rwo kuvugana, nk’uko ubushakashatsi bwa Journal of Sexual Medicine bubigaragaza. Umugabo akwiye:

Kuganiriza umugore ku byo yifuza, atamuhatira cyangwa ngo amuteshe umutwe

Kumuha ijambo, akumva atisuzuguwe

Kwemera gukosorwa ku byo atari akazi neza

6. Kwitwararika isuku, impumuro n’imyitwarire

Imibiri isukuye, impumuro nziza (ku mubiri no mu kanwa), no kuba umugabo ateye neza ku buryo bugaragara, bifite uruhare runini. Umugore ashobora kubura ubushake mu gihe uwo babana atiyitaho, afite umwanda cyangwa agira imyitwarire imuteye isoni.

Isuku igomba kuba ku mubiri wose, nko:

Gutunganya inzara

Koza amenyo buri gihe

Kwambara imyenda isukuye

Gukoresha parfum ituje ariko iryoshye

7. Kwirinda kumuhatira no guhatiriza

Umugore ntiyashyukwa iyo yumva agerwaho n’igitutu cyangwa guhatwa gukora ikintu atiteguye. Kubaha uburenganzira bwe, kumutega amatwi, no kumuha umwanya wo kumva yiteguye, bituma ubushake bwe bwiyongera.

Nk’uko bivugwa na Dr. Laurie Mintz, umuhanga mu bijyanye n’imibonano n’imitekerereze, “Ubushake bw’umugore bukura buhoro ariko iyo bwamaze gukura, bugira imbaraga nyinshi kurusha ubw’umugabo.”

8. Gukorana umwanya no kwirinda kubyihutisha

Gutegura umugore kugira ngo ashyuke bisaba igihe. Hari ubwo umugabo aba yiteguye mu minota mike, ariko umugore we agasaba iminota 15-30 cyangwa birenze, kugira ngo yumve ko atekanye, yiteguye ku mubiri no mu mutwe.

9. Kumenya ko stress, umunaniro, imihangayiko n’imibabaro y’umubiri bigabanya ubushake

Umugore ashobora kudashaka imibonano kubera:

Akazi kenshi n’umunaniro

Imihangayiko y’ubuzima bwa buri munsi

Kurwara cyangwa ibibazo byo mu mubiri

Gutekereza cyane ku bibazo by’urugo

Kumuba hafi, kumutega amatwi, no kumufasha kugabanya umunaniro, bigira uruhare mu kongera ubushake bwe.

10. Gusangira ubuzima, si imibonano gusa

Mu bushake bw’umugore, si imibonano gusa y’ingenzi. Ni uburyo bumutera umutekano, ubufatanye, guharanira icyiza cy’urugo, n’urukundo rufite intego. Ubuzima burimo:

Gusabana mu buzima bwa buri munsi

Gufatanya inshingano

Kwishimana no gufatanya no mu bibazo

Ibyo byose bituma umugore yiyumva nk’ufite agaciro, bityo ubushake bukaza bisanzwe.